Parenting is the main differentiator, hence it’s critical for us to understand and avoid these 7 things in the bests interest of our children.
Tyranny – Parents are always right
We believe that we know everything good or bad for them. We are strict and aggressive to make them learn things faster and ace in everything. We use harsh words or sometimes give physical punishments if they do not perform as expected.
Look at Hitler, his father used to beat him even for the smallest mistake till he fainted. His handicapped Aunt used to traumatize him and make him suffer. He absorbed this pattern in childhood, taking it to adulthood. He killed more than 60 lacs people and murdered all the handicapped people in Germany.
Of course, we couldn’t compare ourselves with him. But in small ways, we emulate the tyranny with our children which leads to very traumatic and painful experience for them.
Children have the caliber to understand almost everything, hence we should befriend them instead of getting impatient and aggressive. Think about this, we can help them more as friends than as parents.
We taunt them so that they do not repeat the same mistakes. A lot of times these are unintentional comments. For example, if the child gets late for school. “You are always late to get ready for school”, but the child thinks I was late few times why I am told like this? The child either gets gloomy about it or rebel it. Instead of that, we can put a positive word, “You always get ready for school why got late today”
Here are a few common examples, we should try and make things positive:
You will never learn this – to – You are doing well, you can learn this also.
You are a fool – to – You have done a mistake this time, don’t repeat the same, you are such a good boy
You will not understand till I punish you – to – You are mature enough to understand, you should try this urself.
Comparison with others
Every child is different, even if twins, they will be different. In some areas, she will be better than others whereas in some she will struggle. In today’s environment there is already so much competition between kids, why create more pressure by comparison? Comparison of every small detail can lead to chronical inferiority and depression. Also, it nullifies the child’s innovative pathways and creativity for life.
Lastly, most of everything a child does is due to Parents, hence if she is failing in comparison with others in some areas, we are equally responsible. We need to understand that she cannot excel in everything and should balance this based on her choices.
Keep treating them like a baby
Sometimes even though they grow out of age we still treat them as a baby. We laugh at their comments, make fun of them and not take them seriously. All this was good for an initial couple of years but as soon as a sense of personality comes in this become very unhealthy. It may lead the child to close out on us, they may not tell it upfront. Instead, treat them with respect, listen to them and show the respect they deserve.
Scolding or threatening for small things
If a glass is broken, we immediately scold “You don’t even know how to handle this, never touch it again”. Instead say “Be careful with glass, sometimes even we make mistake and break it so be extra careful”, take a positive approach.
Also, we threaten them to get things done, for example, to ensure they sleep timely, “if you do not sleep now, a ghost will come and take u”
All these have a lasting impact on them, again let’s trust them to understand the priority of things. If going to bed timely is critical let’s make them understand by logic why its priority? Also, we need to lead by example. We cannot have them sleep early if we are not sleeping early. They are smart enough to figure this out and emulate us.
Spoil them by always agreeing to their demands
We show our love by giving whatever they wish, leading to egoistic and bully behavior. The child thinks that the world is around them and we owe them everything. They also start telling lies since they know parents will agree to anything.
We need to keep balance and sometimes a strict “no” is required. Also, they should know that they cannot get away with lies.
Wrong influence or bad company
As responsible parents, it’s our duty to ensure they do not get into wrong influence or bad company. For this, we need to keep talking to them about their friends and habits. Thinking that they are grown-ups and we do not need to interfere is not good for them. Once a situation like these gets out of hand it becomes very difficult to handle. With growing distractions in today’s environment, it is important to work with them as friends on this.
In the end, Parenting is a very rewarding and soothing experience for us as Parents. And with children, we relive some of our childhood again. But at the same time, it’s a balancing act to ensure success and happiness of our children for the future.
Please share ur thoughts in comments.