Parenting is often a rinse and repeat of this scenario: “Ideas you have about how it should be, combined with what experience is telling you to do, overlaid with too many options and chronic exhaustion.”
Let’s look at different ways in which we can make it bit easy and more accessible to be doing it:
#Adaptation: We all know the meaning of Adaptation:-“Species Adapt to Change”. As a parent, we have this notion of following a righteous path and giving no room for change. If our child has to sleep at 10:30 she has to sleep at 10:30 period. Maybe this notion came from peers or our own ideas to be disciplined? Why not adapt based on our child, based on the situation. Every child has different needs and it changes very drastically with their age.
We can get out of this type of thinking if we reframe ‘changing’ as ‘adapting’. And stop critisizing ourselves for our inevitable parenting mistakes, to get out of the no-point comparisons with our peers, and to give us the freedom to make changes depending on the situation.
#Bigger Picture: Yes, I know what bigger picture got to do with Parenting? Think about it what is it we want our children to learn? Most importantly – To be successful in life or may be to be successful in studies, career or sports. Or you might have some bigger dreams for them.
Now if your child is not cleaning her room, or keeps a messy room. But good in studies and shown a keen interest in chess. Instead of badgering every day for messy room, can’t we find a middle territory and let them be for these lesser things.
At the end what we want is for them to come to us for help when life gets really complicated? If yes then we need to focus on behaviors that will allow having that strategic influence on them. Making them feel crappy every day because the shirt is not matching with pants or because all the Pokemon cards are on the floor, isn’t going to cut it. Make no mistake, letting go of smaller things is not about throwing out all the rules. This is about knowing which battles to fight, so you can keep the middle territory of the trust and respect with your child.
#Removing obstacles, doing less of: Its not always about finding solutions, but sometimes about reducing obstacles. When it comes to parenting, we need to ask ourselves not only what we could be doing more of, but also what we could be doing less of.
When my friend was going on month number nine of her baby waking up four times a night, she felt at her wits’ end. She had been trying different techniques and strategies, thinking that there was something she wasn’t doing right. When nothing seemed to be working, she stopped trying to add elements like new tactics and changed her strategy. She looked instead for obstacles to remove. Was there anything preventing the baby from sleeping through the night?
The first night she made it darker. No effect. The second night she made it warmer. Her son has slept through the night ever since. It wasn’t her parenting skills or the adherence to a particular sleep philosophy that was causing him to wake up so often. Her baby was cold. Once she removed that obstacle with a heater the problem was resolved.
We do this all the time, trying to fix a problem by throwing new parenting philosophies at the situation. What can I do better? More time, more money, more lessons, more stuff. But it can be equally valuable to look for what you could be doing less of. In so doing, you may enrich your relationships with your children immeasurably.
With these let’s try and to be more successful in our Parenting, Happy Parenting to you!
Please share your thoughts or comments below.