A successful life…really?

The flawed theory is that top-scoring students lead a successful and fulfilling life. Hence the push to score A+ in exams.

There’s no reason to think that this should be true.

Doing well on tests, paying attention to what’s being asked, being diligent in short-term error correction–these are the main hallmarks of someone who is good at school.

None of these are important once you’re charged with charting a new path, with figuring out what to do next. In fact, sometimes they get in the way. Too much of clutter which is irrelevant in the current life situation(s).

The educational regime was invented to produce compliant workers.

But the most compliant isn’t always suited to be the bravest, the most empathic or the most intuitive, these are far more important to lead a successful and fulfilling life.

Motivation is overrated…try Routine…

Here is how most of the time motivation works:

Task Performance goes up initially and then falls down.

Steps:

1. We exert our willpower or use an external factor to get motivated.

2. We improve on the task through an increase in motivation level.

3. Once we cross a level, motivation level drops for the task as we stopped applying willpower, and start failing on the task.

4. We feel much more deprecated and self sinking than earlier further cementing our belief that the task is something I cannot do.

It’s the same old story again and again for most of the time. If we look back what stayed with us is something we were able to do repeatedly, daily, weekly & monthly.

Hence “Routine” is a much better replacement for “Motivation”.

Dictionary definition of Routine:

Routinea sequence of actions regularly followed.

Create a routine to improve yourself in any task. Routine will slowly grow into a habit and in the end, lead to excelling in it.

I always wanted to learn guitar and tried picking it up multiple times.

Joined guitar classes, registered in a band, group practice, bought different types to keep motivated. It always went well for a couple of months but after some time it drops and then completely goes down. After a year or so had to start again.

After a lot of frustrating cycles, I decided to play guitar for 2 minutes daily (Routine-Small steps). Even if I just take the guitar and do a couple of strumming but do it daily consistently.

Today I am much better in guitar, learned acoustic guitar to a decent level and can play in front of an audience. I still keep practicing for at least 5-10 minutes on an average daily. And trying to pick up up the violin now :).

Motivation comes and goes, but follow a Routine however small it is and it slowly grows into you!

Fight for your limitations you get to keep them…

“I want to go to this event, I can meet lots of interesting people and enjoy, oh! but I am not good at socializing, let’s skip

I want to try painting as a hobby but I am not creative, let’s skip it

I want to write a blog but my English language is not good, let’s skip it

I want to try doing X but I do not have Y hence I cannot do X, let’s skip

The last sentence will fit for many things we do not try. As if we are fighting for our limitations and hence the limitations never change.

A child, she doesn’t know any limitations and hence she has no limitations. She tries everything that invokes curiosity.
But as we grow we stereotype ourselves as per parents, peers & society. And, we keep convincing ourselves based on failure in one or two incidents in the past.

Oh! he is so introvert and doesn’t mingle with others

I failed in stage performance once, hence I don’t know how to perform in front of an audience

Unfortunately, we remember negatives more that we remember positives. And start criticizing ourselves to the extent we stop trying.

One of my friends use to play guitar but in his first stage performance, his guitar strings broke hence he couldn’t perform. Booed by the audience he vouched never to play guitar again. Yes, it might have been a big thing at that time but does that mean he shouldn’t play guitar or do not perform?

Let’s look back for any of our shortcomings (The shortcomings in our mind) and try to remember the incident or feedback which might have led to it.
Does the incident or feedback have any relevance now? No. But due to our constant fighting ourselves to remind it, we have now a fully developed limitation.

So let’s not fight for our limitations but fight against them, try new things, try older things we missed. Let’s not worry about the past. It will not only remove our limitations and help us grow but also give us childlike happiness.

Where I am & Where I am going…

When we compare to someone, their success, and riches it feels distraught & jealous. We expend a huge amount of energy around this and sap ourselves.

While we know that we have a fair chance to be as successful as someone if we put our mind and hard work into it.

The internal question we frame while comparing:

“Where someone is and Where I am today”

Let’s turn the question around to:

“Where someone is and Where I am going to be tomorrow”

It changes our perception, gives us motivation for putting energy in our future. And instead of dwelling on comparison and jealousy, it will be far more achieving and fruitful for us.

Being Angry…

Does being angry serve any useful purpose?

If it does, are there classes you can take or experiences you can pay for that help you become angry? We have gyms to get fit and mindfulness exercises to get calm, but I’m not sure I’m seeing a widespread movement toward seeking angriness.

So, if being angry is simply a side effect of something else we do or are done to us. And if it’s not actually useful, why do we work so hard to amplify the anger we feel? Why create a narrative in our mind, push hard against the powerless scenarios or the stuck pickle jar simply to make ourselves even angrier?

The only person who is getting taught a lesson is us. And most of the time its too late to regret back the “Being Angry” phase…