What to do in a difficult life situation?

Let’s accept the fact that everyone faces difficult situations in life, and believe me, one that is more successful faces it more frequently.

Also, instead of denial, let’s acknowledge the fact that we are facing a difficult situation, that’s the first step towards finding any resolution or moving forward.

Here are a few thoughts on how we can figure out the current situation and try to resolve it:

  • Look into our pasts: If we have handled a similar kind of situation earlier? Dig within the self, understand within and the situation, that gives the perspective to move forward.
  • From other people (s) (Or their history):
    • People who have already faced these issues, talk to them, learn from them, inspire, and read about them. Take their help to resolve it.
    • Take help from family or friends, who are closer. Any friend who listens to you…understands you. This is one of the reasons to have good friends in life.
  • Compare yourself with others: Again everyone faces problems in life, but some are not even fortunate enough to be in the place where we are today. Think about them, how are they coping & happy, and take inspiration from them.
  • Moral values: Do you follow moral values? (Might be part of religion), if yes dig into it and find what does the moral values suggest, be truthful to it, and resolve it.
  • Leave it to Fate, God, or Kismet: Yes sometimes doing nothing, acknowledging and letting it be, is the best solution (Old Hindi quote “जो होता है अच्छे के लिए होता है” Meaning “Whatever happens happens for good”).

In the end, it’s more important to be happy 🙂 and keep feeling better about ourselves. Any situation we are in is part of learnings to move forward…

The wrong answer…

Why do we always get mind-stuck being wrong or reaching a wrong answer? Whereas the wrong answer is our best friend.

Factually we know that there will be more wrong than the right answers as we try things. Let’s say 80% wrong answers and 20% with the right answers. This fact only implies that we should keep trying more and more.

And the wrong answers lead us to more right answers future on…so our chances increase as we do try.

In the end, it’s the number of attempts that makes all the difference, the more we try the more chances of success.

But we fear trying in case it leads to wrong answers…whereas a person who has succeeded or been right has simply tried more number of times.

So lets not worry about getting wrong…and keep trying…

Ordinary hours…

There are many more ordinary hours in life than extraordinary ones.

Happiness means finding a moment of joy in those ordinary hours.

Instead of waiting for it to happen in rare moments of extraordinary hours.

Performance Goal vs Learning Goal

Getting an A in French class is a performance goal. Being able to speak French is a learning goal.

Both goals can fuel acheivement.

A performance goal (Getting higher grades) is effective for relatively straightforward problems but often inhibits one to apply the concepts to a new situation.

It gives a feeling of entitlement, If I clear IIT (A prestigious engineering exam) I am entitled to the bests in life (Which is far from true).

Performance goal leads to the entity theory, If I do this, I will get this. And is a system that requires a diet of successes otherwise we give up easily on the goal (Or change the goal). As it’s more extrinsic than intrinsic.

People, therefore, choose easy targets that, when hit, affirm their existing abilities but do little to expand them.

In Learning goals, one doesn’t have to feel that they’re already good at something in order to hang in and keep trying. After all, their goal is to learn, not to prove they’re smart.

It is more in the belief that ability is malleable and working harder is a way to keep getting better and better.

Given a choice between the two, always go for the learning goal, as it’s much more fulfilling and rewarding than the performance goal.

Distraction vs Traction…

Traction is any action that pulls us toward what we want to do or what we are interested in doing. These actions are done with intent and purpose.

Distraction, on the other hand, is an action that pulls us away from what we want to do or rather what we need to do.

So if kids want to watch TV to get distracted from studies or escape from studies. It should be a big NO.

But If s/he wants to play Video games it should be fine as long as it’s scheduled and meaningful. However, playing Video games to escape from their responsibilities is a distraction.

Distraction if remained unchecked can form a negative habit, whereas Traction changes the perception and makes it more meaningful and positive.

Traction can also be used with if…then rule…

If you complete your studies in time, then you can watch TV for one hour.

If you help me with kitchen, then I can allow you to play video game for half an hour.

Same is true for us, so …

If I can finish that office presentation, then I can watch TV for one hour.

So anything including digital devices or digital time can be made positive and purposeful if used in the right perspective and within limits i.e for Traction, not Distraction.