Parents are unconditional and forgiving punching bags who feel happiest when they get bashed up by their kids.
Getting an A in French class is a performance goal. Being able to speak French is a learning goal.
Both goals can fuel acheivement.
A performance goal (Getting higher grades) is effective for relatively straightforward problems but often inhibits one to apply the concepts to a new situation.
It gives a feeling of entitlement, If I clear IIT (A prestigious engineering exam) I am entitled to the bests in life (Which is far from true).
Performance goal leads to the entity theory, If I do this, I will get this. And is a system that requires a diet of successes otherwise we give up easily on the goal (Or change the goal). As it’s more extrinsic than intrinsic.
People, therefore, choose easy targets that, when hit, affirm their existing abilities but do little to expand them.
In Learning goals, one doesn’t have to feel that they’re already good at something in order to hang in and keep trying. After all, their goal is to learn, not to prove they’re smart.
It is more in the belief that ability is malleable and working harder is a way to keep getting better and better.
Given a choice between the two, always go for the learning goal, as it’s much more fulfilling and rewarding than the performance goal.
Traction is any action that pulls us toward what we want to do or what we are interested in doing. These actions are done with intent and purpose.
Distraction, on the other hand, is an action that pulls us away from what we want to do or rather what we need to do.
So if kids want to watch TV to get distracted from studies or escape from studies. It should be a big NO.
But If s/he wants to play Video games it should be fine as long as it’s scheduled and meaningful. However, playing Video games to escape from their responsibilities is a distraction.
Distraction if remained unchecked can form a negative habit, whereas Traction changes the perception and makes it more meaningful and positive.
Traction can also be used with if…then rule…
If you complete your studies in time, then you can watch TV for one hour.
If you help me with kitchen, then I can allow you to play video game for half an hour.
Same is true for us, so …
If I can finish that office presentation, then I can watch TV for one hour.
So anything including digital devices or digital time can be made positive and purposeful if used in the right perspective and within limits i.e for Traction, not Distraction.
The way we handle our money in our working life determines how well or worse-off we are. Those with utter disregard for money, savings and investments, end up living a miserable post-retirement life.
I would say this is the most important lesson in life which some of us come to know when its a bit late.
Hence we should teach these lessons to our children as early as possible:
Lesson #1: Teach Them that Money is Earned by Hard Work
My kid thought that money is produced by ATM machines. Just punch how much you want and it will give out that much to you.
It is important to tell our children where the money is ‘actually’ coming from i.e., from hard work.
Also, I told him if he continues to expect the ATM for money to meet their never-ending desires, you (the caretaker parent) will one day run out of all money to meet their needs in the future.
Lesson #2: Teach Them the Virtues of Saving & Investing
Saving is a virtue, the benefits of which we realize only over a period of time. Thus it’s important for us to make our children early starters on this front. Let’s teach children that there’s more to money than just spending. And teach them by example – through your own saving habits.
So if your child wants to buy a computer game that most of his friends have, ask him what’s the cost of the same, and how much he would need to save every month to reach that target. If he understands this simple math, he will easily recognize the virtue of saving to meet a future spending goal. He will also realize that if he saves more every month, he will reach his target even faster.
Again lead by example here.
Lesson #3: Teach them About the Dangers of Debt
This probably isn’t a lesson a child of 6 or 7 years can understand. But teenagers can grasp this concept very well.
Tell them about loans, credit cards, and other debts. And how it works, if you a home loan or any kind of loan tell them with example concept of EMI etc.
They soon learn that making regular debt and interest payments reduce how much is left to pay for other stuff.
Overall, I think understanding the financial concepts specifically the above lessons are the much more important in life for your child than even the basic school concepts as this will help them grow financially which is what all of us are working towards….arent we?
Adults who aren’t afraid to fail were once kids who didn’t get punished for experimenting with their ideas
Dont punish your child for experimenting ideas or playing wildly.
As working parents, we know that it’s important to take time for ourselves. But what does that actually look like in practice?
One option is committing to a hobby. It can help us relax and recharge, hone new skills, become a better problem-solver, and connect with our kids better. But to reap these benefits, we have to be diligent about carving out regular time in our busy schedule. Whatever is our interest areas — arts and crafts, exercising, or reading.
Most importantly let’s set aside regular time for it, at least one consistent hour each week to delve into them. Consider organizing a book club or a musical group, or joining an exercise class that we look forward to. Invite friends to join if possible. (These activities can be held virtually in case of social distancing right now.)
Once the schedule is set, let’s ensure to communicate the time commitment to our family, so everyone can respect it when it comes around each week. It’s our self-time, and it’s important to be vocal about what it means for us.
Popular belief while trapped in mind is that it’s happening only to us.
Whereas it has happened to infinite of us and will happen to infinite in the future. The reason everyone keeps talking about it is further proof of that…
If we can understand this, it allows us to change perspective and be out of it.
Also, it does not take a cosmic intervention to be out of it but our values, learning, and ability to think of new ideas. The well prepared is always out faster and faces a lesser trapped mind situation.
Hence the benefit of always learning and unlearning.
But let’s be sure any trapped mind situation is quite common so let’s not make it more than it is.