Dont blow ur mind…

Teaching/Managing someone or a group requires lots of patience. To get into their shoes and limit urself to run with their pace is one of the most difficult & intensive work.
 
It’s like you have an engine of double or triple horsepower but need to run with the lesser caliber of others.
 
But here are the considerations on why we should do it:
 
#How u will add up another person to your mission and dream unless we synchronize ourselves with them?
 
#While the other person is slow in one area and you are holding the reins. The situation can be the other way around for a subject where u r novice.
 
So hold urself while thinking of blowing ur mind in frustration. And show trust instead of rolling up ur sleeves.
 
All in good time, it will come back to you as a nice gesture to help others grow.
 
So hold it..don’t blow ur mind away…
 

7 Things to Avoid in Parenting

Have you wondered how children from the same school, same class, and similar surroundings differ so much? One performs well whereas others could not do so well.
Parenting is the main differentiator, hence it’s critical for us to understand and avoid these 7 things in the bests interest of our children.

Tyranny – Parents are always right

We believe that we know everything good or bad for them. We are strict and aggressive to make them learn things faster and ace in everything. We use harsh words or sometimes give physical punishments if they do not perform as expected.
Look at Hitler, his father used to beat him even for the smallest mistake till he fainted. His handicapped Aunt used to traumatize him and make him suffer. He absorbed this pattern in childhood, taking it to adulthood. He killed more than 60 lacs people and murdered all the handicapped people in Germany.
Of course, we couldn’t compare ourselves with him. But in small ways, we emulate the tyranny with our children which leads to very traumatic and painful experience for them.
 
Children have the caliber to understand almost everything, hence we should befriend them instead of getting impatient and aggressive. Think about this, we can help them more as friends than as parents.

Taunting

We taunt them so that they do not repeat the same mistakes. A lot of times these are unintentional comments. For example, if the child gets late for school. “You are always late to get ready for school”, but the child thinks I was late few times why I am told like this? The child either gets gloomy about it or rebel it. Instead of that, we can put a positive word, “You always get ready for school why got late today”
 
Here are a few common examples, we should try and make things positive:
  • You will never learn this – to – You are doing well, you can learn this also.
  • You are a fool – to – You have done a mistake this time, don’t repeat the same, you are such a good boy
  • You will not understand till I punish you – to – You are mature enough to understand, you should try this urself.

Comparison with others

Every child is different, even if twins, they will be different. In some areas, she will be better than others whereas in some she will struggle. In today’s environment there is already so much competition between kids, why create more pressure by comparison? Comparison of every small detail can lead to chronical inferiority and depression. Also, it nullifies the child’s innovative pathways and creativity for life.
 
Lastly, most of everything a child does is due to Parents, hence if she is failing in comparison with others in some areas, we are equally responsible. We need to understand that she cannot excel in everything and should balance this based on her choices.

Keep treating them like a baby

Sometimes even though they grow out of age we still treat them as a baby. We laugh at their comments, make fun of them and not take them seriously. All this was good for an initial couple of years but as soon as a sense of personality comes in this become very unhealthy. It may lead the child to close out on us, they may not tell it upfront. Instead, treat them with respect, listen to them and show the respect they deserve.

Scolding or threatening for small things

If a glass is broken, we immediately scold “You don’t even know how to handle this, never touch it again”. Instead say “Be careful with glass, sometimes even we make mistake and break it so be extra careful”, take a positive approach.
 
Also, we threaten them to get things done, for example, to ensure they sleep timely, “if you do not sleep now, a ghost will come and take u”
All these have a lasting impact on them, again let’s trust them to understand the priority of things. If going to bed timely is critical let’s make them understand by logic why its priority? Also, we need to lead by example. We cannot have them sleep early if we are not sleeping early. They are smart enough to figure this out and emulate us.

Spoil them by always agreeing to their demands

We show our love by giving whatever they wish, leading to egoistic and bully behavior. The child thinks that the world is around them and we owe them everything. They also start telling lies since they know parents will agree to anything.
 
We need to keep balance and sometimes a strict “no” is required. Also, they should know that they cannot get away with lies.

Wrong influence or bad company

As responsible parents, it’s our duty to ensure they do not get into wrong influence or bad company. For this, we need to keep talking to them about their friends and habits. Thinking that they are grown-ups and we do not need to interfere is not good for them. Once a situation like these gets out of hand it becomes very difficult to handle. With growing distractions in today’s environment, it is important to work with them as friends on this.
 
In the end, Parenting is a very rewarding and soothing experience for us as Parents. And with children, we relive some of our childhood again. But at the same time, it’s a balancing act to ensure success and happiness of our children for the future.
 
Please share ur thoughts in comments.

Learn to play a musical instrument

With so many distractions these days, why should we even consider learning a musical instrument? Would it not be just another distraction.

Don’t worry I will not get into another lecture.

But let me share my personal experience. I was more of a dabbler in guitar. Then one day my wife and my elder son insistent on buying a new guitar for me. I decided to give it try and started practicing 5-10 minutes of guitar every day. Slowly I started to play better and now it has become a habit.

Here are some of the things which I observed:

It gives a sense of calm – When u play music it gives a sense of calmness and you forget everything, trying to play a song or hum it with your instrument. However frustrated you are, it always calms you down.

Instead of listening become active thru playing – When u become an active player, u feel part of the song within you and makes you more creative in other areas. Also gives a sense of accomplishment.

Social gatherings are much more enjoyable & relaxing – Once in a while in a social gathering, playing guitar leads to much better bonding and elating experience to enjoy together. It gives a happy, lasting and socially exciting gathering.

Lesser distractions – As you become more immersed in playing music, other distractions don’t excite you that much like Social Media, TV etc. This can be really good for kids who have so many things to distract these days.

Learning to play music is more intrinsic than external  – In studies or sports, there are external forces to be driven, be it financially or making a career etc but learning music or playing instrument, once u cross a level, automatically drives you by the flow of it. In that sense its an art, you become more and more involved as you enjoy more and more…

Its very simple to pick up if you are consistent – Keep it simple, just start playing. Keep the instrument in your sight, don’t keep it hidden or in a closet. And give it 5 minutes a day, practice daily without fail and you will learn.

Go ahead pick up your favorite musical instrument and try it out, be consistent for 3 months and you will start seeing the positive impacts. Please do let me know how it goes…

 

Sending your kids to boarding school?

As a parent listening to other parents sending kids to boarding school for better studies brings memories when I went to boarding school in Class 5thMy son is same age now around 11 years.
So should we be sending him to boarding school? Here are some of the discussion points to ponder:
 
Positives:
 
Discipline: One of the early things you learn is to be discipline and focus. There is a routine which should be followed and gives the child a set of good habits. 
 
Mental Toughness: Being in hostel implies you become mentally tough as you have to learn things hard way with peers, seniors, and teachers who are not as forgiving as parents. The maturity makes you more open to difficulties in life later on and how to handle it.
 
Career Path: Some of the boarding schools is already giving you career path, so if you are an early protege of military or any other field etc, it’s the best way to get into that path.
 
Independent – Ability to make own decisions: As parents, we overthink for our child and hence push them to a path which they do not understand. Being in hostel allows the child to make their own decisions. Not to say parents cannot enforce this even in a hostel but still, the child is more independent in deciding things.
 
Negatives:
 
Child’s innocence or love: Children have an innocent way of looking towards life, but this is lost in a hostel with its strict and disciplined life. The gleeful way of getting excited about smaller things in life slowly dies away.
 
Traumatize for life: Some of the things in a hostel, a brawl with the peer or consistent bully from seniors etc in tender age leads to lifetime trauma which is difficult to tackle once it leaves a lasting impression. One of my friend’s child – 14 years old girl was sent to the hostel for 2 years and she got into depression, leaving parents in dismay why they have sent her.
 
Peer/Competition kills creativity: With constant competition with peers in hostel, it kills a child’s creative outlook towards life. It gives them a monotonous view and everything becomes a way to please others. We see this being done at the parents level in schools today, imagine how a child will be in a constant competitive environment.
 
Life seems very tough for everything: At very early age child seems to take life as a very difficult pill, yes there is a lot of debate around how life is tough etc. But do we really need to give this lesson to our child now? Maybe for them, it might not be tough if they figure out what they like and explore more in life.
 
Overall my vote is against sending my child to boarding school. I see more negatives than the positives. What about you?

Praising your child for motivation – good or bad?

As parents we praise our child for almost all things, big or small …whether it’s reading books, coming first in a sports or getting good marks in exams. We, in general, keep telling them how smart they are to achieve anything. Thinking this will lead to very good motivation and help them do it again.

But ever wondered whether it’s good or bad for the child to have too much praise? or how our praise might impact them?

To understand it, let’s see how we perceive our success or failure. Recent study shows (Stanford article) how our attribution to failure or success makes a big difference. If we think we are smart and hence succeeded, a notion sets in that we are born with the skills. In case of failure we tell ourselves we are not good in this and give up easily. Whereas in both the above cases if we attribute it to hard work and learning skills, we would have succeeded much better. This Mental Attribution of failure/success is the game changer for us and what we achieve.

Now imagine if we almost always praise our kids for how smart they are? or how intelligent they are, this imparts them – How good I am and he/she thinks anything can be done without much efforts and sets a pattern. Eventhough they would have worked hard for it, we in general discount that fact while praising. Whereas if we say gr8 you have achieved this by working hard (Basically communicate it better with reasoning). This makes a big difference for them and they will be more ready to accept failure and work harder to succeed in all fields.

So dont worry about praising your child everytime as long as its done right its on! Next time if you praise your child, just consider doing a small change in how you do it!