Popular belief while trapped in mind is that it’s happening only to us.
Whereas it has happened to infinite of us and will happen to infinite in the future. The reason everyone keeps talking about it is further proof of that…
If we can understand this, it allows us to change perspective and be out of it.
Also, it does not take a cosmic intervention to be out of it but our values, learning, and ability to think of new ideas. The well prepared is always out faster and faces a lesser trapped mind situation.
Hence the benefit of always learning and unlearning.
But let’s be sure any trapped mind situation is quite common so let’s not make it more than it is.
We all have our “Wall of Safety” that gives us a comfort zone.
For child, its the parent that doesn’t allow risking.
For adults, it is the social norms that doesn’t allow risking.
For poor, it is the daily wages that doesn’t allow risking.
For richer, it is the steady income that doesn’t allow risking.
It’s a cocoon to protect and allow us a path. On introspection, there are a lot of cocoons safeguarding us. While it keeps us comfortable it creates restrictions and boundaries.
Unless we break out, we will keep continuing what we are. But there is always a choice to explore, be different, perhaps better. Or be in the cocoon.
The flawed theory is that top-scoring students lead a successful and fulfilling life. Hence the push to score A+ in exams.
There’s no reason to think that this should be true.
Doing well on tests, paying attention to what’s being asked, being diligent in short-term error correction–these are the main hallmarks of someone who is good at school.
None of these are important once you’re charged with charting a new path, with figuring out what to do next. In fact, sometimes they get in the way. Too much of clutter which is irrelevant in the current life situation(s).
The educational regime was invented to produce compliant workers.
But the most compliant isn’t always suited to be the bravest, the most empathic or the most intuitive, these are far more important to lead a successful and fulfilling life.
“I want to go to this event, I can meet lots of interesting people and enjoy, oh! but I am not good at socializing, let’s skip“
“I want to try painting as a hobby but I am not creative, let’s skip it“
“I want to write a blog but my English language is not good, let’s skip it“
“I want to try doing X but I do not have Y hence I cannot do X, let’s skip“
The last sentence will fit for many things we do not try. As if we are fighting for our limitations and hence the limitations never change.
A child, she doesn’t know any limitations and hence she has no limitations. She tries everything that invokes curiosity. But as we grow we stereotype ourselves as per parents, peers & society. And, we keep convincing ourselves based on failure in one or two incidents in the past.
“Oh! he is so introvert and doesn’t mingle with others“
“I failed in stage performance once, hence I don’t know how to perform in front of an audience“
Unfortunately, we remember negatives more that we remember positives. And start criticizing ourselves to the extent we stop trying.
One of my friends use to play guitar but in his first stage performance, his guitar strings broke hence he couldn’t perform. Booed by the audience he vouched never to play guitar again. Yes, it might have been a big thing at that time but does that mean he shouldn’t play guitar or do not perform?
Let’s look back for any of our shortcomings (The shortcomings in our mind) and try to remember the incident or feedback which might have led to it. Does the incident or feedback have any relevance now? No. But due to our constant fighting ourselves to remind it, we have now a fully developed limitation.
So let’s not fight for our limitations but fight against them, try new things, try older things we missed. Let’s not worry about the past. It will not only remove our limitations and help us grow but also give us childlike happiness.
Teaching/Managing someone or a group requires lots of patience. To get into their shoes and limit urself to run with their pace is one of the most difficult & intensive work.
It’s like you have an engine of double or triple horsepower but need to run with the lesser caliber of others.
But here are the considerations on why we should do it:
#How u will add up another person to your mission and dream unless we synchronize ourselves with them?
#While the other person is slow in one area and you are holding the reins. The situation can be the other way around for a subject where u r novice.
So hold urself while thinking of blowing ur mind in frustration. And show trust instead of rolling up ur sleeves.
All in good time, it will come back to you as a nice gesture to help others grow.
Have you wondered how children from the same school, same class, and similar surroundings differ so much? One performs well whereas others could not do so well.
Parenting is the main differentiator, hence it’s critical for us to understand and avoid these 7 things in the bests interest of our children.
Tyranny – Parents are always right
We believe that we know everything good or bad for them. We are strict and aggressive to make them learn things faster and ace in everything. We use harsh words or sometimes give physical punishments if they do not perform as expected.
Look at Hitler, his father used to beat him even for the smallest mistake till he fainted. His handicapped Aunt used to traumatize him and make him suffer. He absorbed this pattern in childhood, taking it to adulthood. He killed more than 60 lacs people and murdered all the handicapped people in Germany.
Of course, we couldn’t compare ourselves with him. But in small ways, we emulate the tyranny with our children which leads to very traumatic and painful experience for them.
Children have the caliber to understand almost everything, hence we should befriend them instead of getting impatient and aggressive. Think about this, we can help them more as friends than as parents.
Taunting
We taunt them so that they do not repeat the same mistakes. A lot of times these are unintentional comments. For example, if the child gets late for school. “You are always late to get ready for school”, but the child thinks I was late few times why I am told like this? The child either gets gloomy about it or rebel it. Instead of that, we can put a positive word, “You always get ready for school why got late today”
Here are a few common examples, we should try and make things positive:
You will never learn this – to – You are doing well, you can learn this also.
You are a fool – to – You have done a mistake this time, don’t repeat the same, you are such a good boy
You will not understand till I punish you – to – You are mature enough to understand, you should try this urself.
Comparison with others
Every child is different, even if twins, they will be different. In some areas, she will be better than others whereas in some she will struggle. In today’s environment there is already so much competition between kids, why create more pressure by comparison? Comparison of every small detail can lead to chronical inferiority and depression. Also, it nullifies the child’s innovative pathways and creativity for life.
Lastly, most of everything a child does is due to Parents, hence if she is failing in comparison with others in some areas, we are equally responsible. We need to understand that she cannot excel in everything and should balance this based on her choices.
Keep treating them like a baby
Sometimes even though they grow out of age we still treat them as a baby. We laugh at their comments, make fun of them and not take them seriously. All this was good for an initial couple of years but as soon as a sense of personality comes in this become very unhealthy. It may lead the child to close out on us, they may not tell it upfront. Instead, treat them with respect, listen to them and show the respect they deserve.
Scolding or threatening for small things
If a glass is broken, we immediately scold “You don’t even know how to handle this, never touch it again”. Instead say “Be careful with glass, sometimes even we make mistake and break it so be extra careful”, take a positive approach.
Also, we threaten them to get things done, for example, to ensure they sleep timely, “if you do not sleep now, a ghost will come and take u”
All these have a lasting impact on them, again let’s trust them to understand the priority of things. If going to bed timely is critical let’s make them understand by logic why its priority? Also, we need to lead by example. We cannot have them sleep early if we are not sleeping early. They are smart enough to figure this out and emulate us.
Spoil them by always agreeing to their demands
We show our love by giving whatever they wish, leading to egoistic and bully behavior. The child thinks that the world is around them and we owe them everything. They also start telling lies since they know parents will agree to anything.
We need to keep balance and sometimes a strict “no” is required. Also, they should know that they cannot get away with lies.
Wrong influence or bad company
As responsible parents, it’s our duty to ensure they do not get into wrong influence or bad company. For this, we need to keep talking to them about their friends and habits. Thinking that they are grown-ups and we do not need to interfere is not good for them. Once a situation like these gets out of hand it becomes very difficult to handle. With growing distractions in today’s environment, it is important to work with them as friends on this.
In the end, Parenting is a very rewarding and soothing experience for us as Parents. And with children, we relive some of our childhood again. But at the same time, it’s a balancing act to ensure success and happiness of our children for the future.
With so many distractions these days, why should we even consider learning a musical instrument? Would it not be just another distraction.
Don’t worry I will not get into another lecture.
But let me share my personal experience. I was more of a dabbler in guitar. Then one day my wife and my elder son insistent on buying a new guitar for me. I decided to give it try and started practicing 5-10 minutes of guitar every day. Slowly I started to play better and now it has become a habit.
Here are some of the things which I observed:
It gives a sense of calm – When u play music it gives a sense of calmness and you forget everything, trying to play a song or hum it with your instrument. However frustrated you are, it always calms you down.
Instead of listening become active thru playing– When u become an active player, u feel part of the song within you and makes you more creative in other areas. Also gives a sense of accomplishment.
Social gatherings are much more enjoyable & relaxing – Once in a while in a social gathering, playing guitar leads to much better bonding and elating experience to enjoy together. It gives a happy, lasting and socially exciting gathering.
Lesser distractions – As you become more immersed in playing music, other distractions don’t excite you that much like Social Media, TV etc. This can be really good for kids who have so many things to distract these days.
Learning to play music is more intrinsic than external – In studies or sports, there are external forces to be driven, be it financially or making a career etc but learning music or playing instrument, once u cross a level, automatically drives you by the flow of it. In that sense its an art, you become more and more involved as you enjoy more and more…
Its very simple to pick up if you are consistent – Keep it simple, just start playing. Keep the instrument in your sight, don’t keep it hidden or in a closet. And give it 5 minutes a day, practice daily without fail and you will learn.
Go ahead pick up your favorite musical instrument and try it out, be consistent for 3 months and you will start seeing the positive impacts. Please do let me know how it goes…
